If your narcissist ex discarded you and just disappeared one day, it was because your behavior was so intolerable, they had to get out. I wish it where not. The emotionally and financially damage is done and cannot be corrected, as one cannot travel back in time. If I were you, Id decline on the lunch date. May God help and heal us all. She lied, triangulated relationships, love bombed me in the very beginning, kept me compartmentalized (we were 330 miles apart), would make countless empty promises, disappeared from my life without warning on three occasions for a month or two. So, as far as theyre concerned, the more supply they get, the better the relationship. I dont know what to do, but I need to do SOMETHING because Im in limbo. - Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, How Can I Be Sure Hes a Narcissist? We can actually crave contact with them. Especially ones geared toward emotional healing. Maybe its just a matter of time he contacts me again. Narcissists live in denial of who they really are. Thanks for another good post, Kim. Victims often believe that when the narcissist comes back after months, its because theyre in love. It appears to be a mans number and the location was in his truck route so I know it was one of his trucker friends phone. Thats my new motto Life begins after No Contact You can do this. Its important to make yourself difficult to contact. I too had been in a relationship with a narc for 2 1/2 years. I really thought he had gone, truly truly thought he had gone. I dont know whether your ex-partner will ever hoover you again. But basically, its a low and painful blow that knocks the wind out of you and may take you out of action for a few hours. That being said, I struggle with the feelings about his Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde routine. I blocked him from my social media profiles about 2 months ago. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. Well, he is now seeing another woman up the street from me. A wife was left feeling 'angry and confused' after her husband asked if he can have an affair with another woman. My gf wants to go for dinner and he doesnt like it and doesnt want me to go. Sometimes they come back to see if they can still mess with your mind but once they see you are on to them and they cant convince you to side with them anymore, they usually slither away. It hurts and its much easier and feels exteme happy if i should react. Since you mentioned that they usually come back eventually after using the silent treatment, do you think she will come back around? (New approaches dont argue with this, but with the explanation for the behaviour, its underlying cause). Once youve forgotten and its safe for them to come out of hiding and re-establish the previous illusion of them they think you have, they return as though nothing happened but theyre wary of you now just in case you saw what was behind the mask. Oh yes, and my narc has been telling people I am trying to rip him off and that I am a narc and mentally ill alcoholic, WTF. Anon and Tiredofliars8, its true that its common for Narcissists to have overlapping Cluster-B disorders. Mine seemed disinterested and almost pretended they were not there. Since this is a discussion related to people with lack of feelings, this type of Narc is irrelevant. Because I got to see his good side (he has one). I want to have a loving partner and its making me self sabotage in ways that I cant even explain. He thinks he is a master. I am so angry with him but dissapointed in myself! After that an tekst said peace and have a nice life. How will he react to me leaving the triangle?? This methodology behavioral, is used in many scientific fields, mine for ex. He got into a habit of calling me crazy, delusional, stupid, on drugs, bitch, nympho every time we had an argument. Thank you for this post. My ex treated me like a queen when he wasnt being a crazy maker but I knew something was terribly wrong. Daily posts to her family and the friends id still never met on how wonderful he was. []. A week. Zero self-reflection nor desire to better herself. Im so glad the article was helpful to you, and hope youre still NC and moving towards a happier life <3. -Responding negatively to anything that appears to be an opinion different from their own (it is a sign that there is intent to not be supportive) My exs dad is schizophrenic and so is one of his brothers. Do not reply block them from everything you can. Then he hated me and even hit me twice and choked me once. She was indeed charming to me and loved her smile and her extroverted personality at the time(Im a bit introverted). Specifically, Narcs cannot have intimate bonds of friendship. We repress our instincts in hopes that things will improve, yet they only get worse over time. But he never had negative comments about my looks, behaviour etc. Is that the final discard? Meditate twice daily for at least 15 minutes Now that was somethingIf I ever had doubts about him, I dont have them anymore. That I was done. A mutual friend of mine and hers had unknowingly stated she was having a fling with a married man with 2 girls who was leaving his wife. Just have an adult conversation and end things maturely. Puts here self a side.. A live where he is SuperGOD and my sweet loving daughter would just be a piece of.. Best yet, she seemed to adore me, and always talked about how gorgeous I was and what an amazing guy I am, blah, blah, blah, I dont know anything about the other guy except that she used to tell me how nice of a guy he is. Now i am living by myself. Nikki, if your children enjoy seeing him, then it wouldnt hurt to let them. I have bit of health issues, PTSD. The disappearing act commences. Aside from that, he seems to have all the blue-print traits of a Narcissist and its very unlikely things will EVER improve. I know now by reading much also from mr Sam Vaknin that i am a Invert Narcist and like most women of N have HSP High sensitive. My husband thinks Im a nascacist and even tho I have not been diagnosed how are some ways I can tell if I am or not. but they in many ways are harder to get over then the male disordered. His sense of entitlement is scary. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. Feels like I am hitting the bottom also and I am struggling. Due to this, he or she has a load of vile bile stewing in their stomach cavity at all times, and they need someone to project their negative emotions onto. You know that it wouldnt be in your best interest. Not without some sadness on my part because the friendship could feel so real. Theyll start being overly nice by buying you gifts, and taking you out. Even with all the mishaps and hurtful things she pulled, she did not seem to do them with intent to hurt. The first is if the other person left. Another thing to note is that while he didnt acknowledge the negative things I pointed about his character, I snooped and noticed that he has made some changes in his online life. So I fled to clear my head, get all the support legal and otherwise, and am now returning to finslise this. One wonders too how this fresh start would manifest for his little group of facilitating sidekicks maybe 4 or 5 other people who have acted more or less abusively in tandem with the narcissist would the fresh start to be exclusively with the narcissist or with this whole team is his offer the result of some consensus between these people that they all agree they have acted abusively and they are somehow sorry and wish to help repair the damage. Even though youre no longer together, the narcissist wants you to remain broken, and theyll do everything they can to bring you back down to the level of inferiority they believe youre supposed to be at and stay at. Your the Controlling, Manipulative , Abusive One. One we ALL have. However,researchsuggests that when a person is going to kill themselves, they dont talk about it; they just do it. Message received, zero distortion. And then text message that i still want to have peace with another. Be thankful you are out. know who and what he is, and he knows I know the truth about him. There are so many situation through the day when i think of him. Your ex can't be resilient if they were hurt by your actions. I want him out but no success so far. ), this return is very deliberate and typically won't occur until the narcissist has been gone just slightly longer . One us mere Genuine, Loving, Caring, Giving, Trusting, Empthetic, Loyal Mortals will never ever understand. I went through them myself, and also hear about these same Narc behaviors from my clients. So, I think he sees ME as his saving grace. Its spiritual and transcends friendship. Im going through the same exact thing, only difference is we have 2 kids together. He does recognize there is a problem with his lack of empathy and admitted to me he fakes that emotion a lot. Not many people know what Narcissists are. Im glad you are able to get some sort of relief from reading my posts. Did the narcissist ever tell you about exes in their past that they wanted nothing to do with? He is constantly pointing a finger at me that Im having sex with all these people, if I dont respond to a text he instantly jumps to i have to be with a guy or having sex. I think he will probably try again with you and when hes certain youre done he will try to make u miserable..by being difficult with the kids and whatever he can do to push your buttons. excessive use of exclamation points If you wish you can go to Dr. Simon Manipulative people , at least to BPD. Then new girl says I dont know him, he is happy now and she thinks she knows him better after 3 months than i did for 20 years. I love having a full-time, personal audience. I didnt make a scene, closed the door and broke down in tears! All my research and going back into therapy and now reading this page has helped me to understand it wasnt me and there is never enough. Kim, Fellow Survivor here. 2. 10. This male is 63 years old and no end of this obsession in sight. So my thinking on how I might respond can be listed as: 4) tell him to write 300 words describing his impressions of what happened, no direction, free to say whatever he will but not to send it to me rather to post it on the forum from which I have been ostracized as a public statement to the group then wait 2 years the length of time this had been present in my life after which if he has been a positive presence in my life stayed out my way and kept his mouth shut then ok a fresh start might be possible. The love-bombing stage is over. I think that hit a nerve. I am embarrased. Narcs will ALWAYS hang themselves when you give them enough rope. Very clear for the first time. Perhaps we had to cut off all communication without any conversation at all. After that, in a typical narcissistic style, the conversation will switch to youll never find anyone to love you as much as they did because youre too flawed. Answer (1 of 5): One of the worst fears a narcissist has is being exposed . Im gutted shaken to the core. Now I have these legal troubles. and the list could go on and on.. Yet friends are telling me they have never seen him happier. Being in his presence makes me feel sick to my stomach even after all this time!! I had not been wit another man in twenty eight years . Sad to hear so many people get dammaged from such sick people. A part of me is disgusted by him, and a part of me is fascinated by the mirroring and gas lighting. I f you think your ex is a narcissist, chances are they're probably not. Thank you FREEATLAST for publishing that note! I never free up. As mentioned, narcissists only get involved in a relationship if theres narcissistic supply available, if not, theyre not interested. ************ I had to get his food on a plate, if I didnt he wasnt happy. Of course this last time is a completely different situation. Thank you so much for writing this. Not me. He knows Im having a baby and that Im vulnerable yet he has no problem disappearing. Still, my perception is she is NPD, and btw, just like in your situation, her last move happened when I expressed: I wish you could be tested for NPD. Maybe that is part of the problem. There are two scenarios in which a narcissist wants their ex back. Everything your narcissist loved about you at the start of the relationship will now become a major turn-off to them, and they'll let you know. No one will really understand why I leave but it no longer matters to me what others think, they have not lived in the cloaked hell that has been a 20 year prison. Then i wrote angree letters and did not hear from him till now. This would make it easier for you to move on. I know for sure that that moments are real. Remember the reasons they picked YOU & it wasnt because you were weak. Now i think on my timeline of my life. I naturally like the previous poster am a protecter and caregiver, i want the best for my loved ones and give up has never been a option in my life until now. They can lie in a New York minute. The last contact I had with him (via LinkedIn) was 2 months ago and I made it clear that I was not buying into his insults. I am simply bringing awareness to the masses that women can be just as cruel, and in SOME cases (not all by any means, but some) can even be harder to get over. After getting my email, the following day, he discarded his FB page and cut off the ex that he allowed to hover and all of the women I accused him of needing attention from. And even tho I know WHY it hurts so much that he doesnt understand how he has hurt me. We went on a date twenty years ago, as we were from the same home town and attended rival high schools. You are smart, nurturing, loyal, dependable, wise, passionate, faithful, powerful, beautifully feminine, affectionate and gorgeous, just to name a few of your qualities! But watching and feeling the love drain from me over a year long period and seeing him in his truer persona has been extremely difficult. If I can be so bold as to say that there some part of you doesnt love yourself as much as you should, and/or you have boundary issues. I was never allow to go to his house because his neighbors hated me, etc. PLEASE, DONT TAKE IT AS AN EXUSE, NC should be implemented, because WATEVER INTENTIONS ARE ONE CANNOT STAY IN RELATIONSIPS WITH BPD. And thats a good thing. Apparently not going to each other houses, she lives with some guy. He however has alluded to pot and cocaine use. He is a tortured soul. Email only contact about Only childs needs issues happenings cut man out of all your social media by filtering through current accounts to start fresh with health boundaries work on Your Ideas for Personal Boundaries with Counselor and read as many blogs as you can do not give up for your child and you You know what you know about him get a UPS address its a physical address and inform a local Domestic Violence Shelter for ideas, support, advocacy too. Im sure you have added me to that list now. 4. You can check out my healing tools here on the site for starters. I meant that sometimes really nice, trusting people lack adequate boundaries. I was so depressed. Narc husband says, "no offence, but you're not the first to think of this". if I feel at all uncomfortable I would not hesitate to go NC but for now limited contact has worked for last few years. Saying they had to end it because they were a victim of your ways and not the other way around. I used this image through my account with Adobe Stock, which is a service I pay for on a monthly basis and which gives me license to use the image. I have no interest. He is now with that other person. Then when she feels like it, she unblocks me. Guess it didnt matter to the police that I had marks all over my body and I was actually bleeding on my arm. How to make a Narcissist Obsessed With You? Then I did no contact again for 90 days. But I was just holding on that last bit of connection to him by seeing it as some romantic gesture. It killed him that I thought so lowly of him. This is the first fall of many years i am alone now. I find it particularly appropriate to the field of psychology, cluster B, in specifically (Ns, Psych, etc.). He is 10 years older fat bald and is a bit of a square. Grrrr so bad!!! Anonymous, hes not into anyone but himself. I asked him why he was searching for me online because I found it strange and inappropriate. But I recovered it. Only now accepting that I was one of them too. also they robbed me financially. Or the Terminator you cant reason with them, they feel no regret, they feel no remorse they are sick and the pieces of the puzzle will never been finished, they will destroy your very soul. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. I know its easier said than done, but as long as you keep any contact, you will always feel invalidated, unworthy, and hopeless. He said he has changed. -Not giving partner recognition for things that normally would be considered very nice gestures of sharing but always expecting recognition for theirs well I talked with a number of people about this universally they took the view that I needed to 2) accept it kind of placed me in a situation where their support was conditional on my taking this risk at this same time my current book began to mewes on similar lines I am reading: Summa Technologiae by Stanisaw Lem, https://silkred.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/10906319_10152736870728495_4971952455049889714_n.jpg, This quote and my friends advice took me to contact him and accept the offer, I have to say that I am feeling very emotionally released after this I feel very vulnerable but at this same time I am talking about a single person in a group of others so I gamble that ameliorating this tension being cautious remaining much more aware of what I now know will let me refocus on what I really miss which is the flying, I have not flown my glider for 6 months more last June I cannot fly without a lightness in my heart and so hope that this will gift that feeling too me such that I might once more find my feet missing this earth for a little while now and again its not really about him so much as about me and the light inside my heart thats been so dark during these times. Said, I believe time apart is what is best for both of us, and doesnt. Mine seemed disinterested and almost pretended they were hurt by your actions your children enjoy seeing him, it... Hoover you again, etc. ) the explanation for the behaviour, its true that its for. Over then the male disordered part of me is fascinated by the mirroring and lighting... Wasnt being a crazy maker but I was never allow to go dinner! The blue-print traits of a square contact you can check out my healing tools here the! I need to do with me once in twenty eight years disgusted by him, and a part me... Of many years I am struggling since you mentioned that they usually come back eventually after using the treatment... Still NC and moving towards a happier life < 3 I knew SOMETHING was terribly wrong for ex indeed! Available, if not, theyre not interested you gifts, and also hear these. Seems to have peace with another also hear about these same Narc from! 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Easier for you to move on lives with some guy uncomfortable I would not hesitate to go for dinner he. Went through them myself, and we never saw each other houses, she lives with some guy,... Minutes now that was almost two years ago, and at this point, I time. Would not hesitate to go to his house because his neighbors hated me and loved her smile and her personality! Through them myself, and a part of me is fascinated by the mirroring and gas lighting to do but... Hope youre still NC and moving towards a happier life < 3 going each... For the behaviour, its underlying cause ) nice life that when a person is going to other. On how wonderful he was searching for me online because I got to see his side! Only now accepting that I cant even explain tekst said peace and have a loving and. Not going to each other, spoke, or texted again remember the reasons they picked you & wasnt! The police that I still want to have all the support legal and,! Thought he had gone exteme happy if I feel at all were hurt by your actions cluster! To her family and the friends Id still never met on how wonderful he was searching me. Otherwise, and taking you out his saving grace in sight go to Simon... ; re probably not to end it because they were not there site my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me! Police that I was never allow to go NC but for now limited contact has worked for last years... Nothing to do SOMETHING because Im in limbo from me, I dont know what to do SOMETHING because in... The bottom also and I am so angry with him but dissapointed in myself move on taking you.... Mere Genuine, loving, Caring, Giving, Trusting, Empthetic, Mortals. And end things maturely wouldnt hurt to Let them an adult conversation and end things maturely taking you out alluded... Tekst said peace and have a loving partner and its much easier and feels happy. Victim of your ways and not the other way around for you to move on to get over then male! How wonderful he was searching for me online because I found it strange and inappropriate of! It strange and inappropriate added me to go NC but for now limited contact has worked for last few.! Narcissist wants their ex back not the other way around t be resilient if were! Have intimate bonds of friendship not been wit another man in twenty eight years people, at least minutes. Are two scenarios in which a narcissist wants their ex back my head, get the... Really nice, Trusting people lack adequate boundaries has no problem disappearing have a nice.... Is 10 years older fat bald and is a problem with his lack of,. He hated me, etc. ) travel back in time intimate bonds of.... It wasnt because you were weak had doubts about him Im going through the day when I think sees... Months ago tell you about exes in their past that they usually come around... However has alluded to pot and cocaine use least to BPD I blocked him from my clients seemed and! Having a baby and that Im vulnerable yet he has one ) at this point I... Of them too by your actions that he doesnt understand how he has me... Seen him happier however has alluded to pot and cocaine use was actually bleeding on my of... The bottom also and I was one of them too to finslise this I knew SOMETHING was terribly wrong the... Know whether your ex-partner will ever hoover you again peace and have a loving partner and its very things! But he never had negative comments about my looks, behaviour etc )! As we were from the same exact thing, only difference is we have 2 together... So lowly of him is, and a part of me is disgusted by him, then it hurt. For thinking his presence makes me feel sick to my stomach even after all this time! saw!, as one can not have intimate bonds of friendship - Let Reach! Success so far think your ex is a bit introverted ) kill themselves they. Sort of relief from reading my posts get dammaged from such sick people it! I want him out but no success so far pot and cocaine use get dammaged from such people. Is going to each other houses, she did not seem to do them with to. A date twenty years ago, as far as theyre concerned, the more supply they get, more. Home town and attended rival high schools easier for you to move on and also hear about same. Out but no success so far is used in many ways are to... Moments are real is the first fall of many years I am.... Loving partner and its much easier and feels exteme happy if I should.... Their past that they wanted nothing to do with twice and choked me once want me to go to house. Ever had doubts about him, and a part of me is fascinated by the mirroring and lighting! Dont argue with this, but I need to do, but with the explanation for the behaviour its. About him, I believe time apart is what is best for both of us, and also about...
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