my mother didn 't protect me from abuse

In Black & White Coping with Family while Healing from Abuse or Assault, Where The Eagles Fly . My father is a Narsasicst in the purest sense, gaslighting, abuse, embarrassing me and my mother in front of people, and lies. She brushed off the entire incident when I asked her to accompany me to that shop, and at least confront that cougar, if not put him behind the bars. Be nice. Reviewed by Davia Sills. She thinks his put-downs are a way of keeping us from getting too full of ourselves, his criticisms a way of motivating us, his authoritarian style the mark of a man who knows his mind. If I messed up, shed go on and on how I was a failure. Their codependence was a survival mechanism, but one that the narcissist is very adept at recognizing and using to their own advantage. Please refrain from posting "uplifting" threads. 8.4K views, 150 likes, 7 loves, 7 comments, 254 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BBM - Iloilo Supporters: if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'innertoxicrelief_com-box-2','ezslot_5',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-box-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'innertoxicrelief_com-box-2','ezslot_6',119,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-box-2-0_1'); .box-2-multi-119{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:7px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:7px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}Many children of narcissistic parents cant understand why the other parent doesnt protect them. Would it be like denying what your experience has been? Some days I can feel generous and forgiving, but a lot of days I just feel cheated. The mum-of-two admits she was "obsessed" - but now loves her body as it is, and says "if I want pizza I'll have some". So, I want to start by saying that I love my mom. I'm mad that she was robbed of her golden years and NDad lived. She is the author or coauthor of 15 books, including Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life. I know she was doing her best but it's hard because the reason I couldn't accept everything was because she always pretended that it was okay. You looked after, cared for and gave attention to other kids when I was the one who needed it the most. Pixabay, If You Need to Pull an All-Nighter, This Should Be Your Diet, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem. Our first five years together were great. Its vital for your well-being. . Call law enforcement.If your parents cannot control her behavior and she is indeed physically abusive, you have every right to call the police if you feel threatened or if your physical well-being is at risk. It actually isnt. Only you can know that. I didn't mean that I resent my mom, I still love her and I don't let this hurt affect the way I treat her. Its worth saying that from a cultural point of view, it is easier to be open about an unloving father than it is to talk about an unloving mother, which flies in the face of all the mother mythsthat all women are nurturing, that mothering is instinctual, that all mothers love their children. After a big fight would happen I usually went running to my room and she wouldnt come to comfort me, she would instead be consoling him and trying to calm him down. Being abused does not mean people should not be held accountable for deciding to abuse others in turn nor turn a blind eye to abuse. You can address why you were unable to defend yourself as a child (likely because you didn't understand what was happening) and that it was your parents' responsibility to intervene and. I needed her, and she just stood by. Yes, my mom catered to my dad all the time. I am not fashionable enough. This post can help you understand just how you can recover and live a happy life. 6. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a16145568cea223 A letter to My mother, who didn't protect me from abuse 'I found out six years ago that an older cousin had endured a similar torture.' Composite: Guardian 'I found out six years ago that an older cousin had endured a similar torture.' Composite: Guardian O ur first five years together were great. My father is a control freak and a bully, but she considers him strong. I'm glad this doesn't make me a bad person and that other people understand the situation. Its also common for enablers to convince themselves that they are the only people who can understand their narcissistic partner and fulfill their needs and desires. Fathers are usually seen as protectors, and when they fail to live up to that ideal, children can feel even more betrayed than they do by their emotionally abusive mother. The damage done is too much and she refuses to hold herself accountable and change as she can not empathize. Its also likely that your narcissistic mother isolated your father thereby alienating him from anyone who might contradict her toxic abuse. PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN AT ALL COSTS. However, adults usually estrange themselves from their parents when they find their parents presence too painful. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Source: Photograph by pezibear. I know it's unfair, which is why I want to redirect that. - Werner Herzog. I am ashamed to be part of this family. She never asks about the divorce proceedings and will talk about the weather and how this cousin or that relative looked gorgeous at her wedding. I'm sure we can work through it with time, but for now it does help to know that these feelings are normal and other people have experienced them. She has a new boyfriend who treats her well and we get to live with them. It was only when I got into therapy that I started realizing my mothers role wasnt really passive. My dad was not physically abusive either but he was always angry, short-tempered, childish, and emotionally abusive. Our rules include (but are not limited to): Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. I was paralyzed, voiceless, and worked hard at disappearing from view, but that didnt stop him from picking on me mercilessly for being an embarrassment to him. Codependency usually develops in childhood when a child of abusive parents is forced to forego their own needs in order to keep peace with their toxic parents. Working with a therapist can, of course, clear away some of the brush. That was the family story, and they have never deviated from it, not in 50 years. I saw a man who wasn't there . You only need me when you are lonely and hurting. I should not have left you with people who hurt you and did things to you that nobody should have done to you. You shunned me and made me feel shame and ashamed for something I didnt do. Its vital to your healing process to really understand the role your father played in the abuse you suffered and why he didnt do more. We had a new house, a new life, so things should be okay now. Therefore, my father took up the job of being affectionate as a mother and She absolutely saw the emotional damage, and she didnt lift a finger in protest. Every man who put a hand on my body received a tight slap there and then. Do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and sane. Coming to terms with the less obvious damage. Also Ellen DeGeneres recently talked about how she wished her mom had protected her instead of not believing she was being sexually abused and staying with the abuser. "I wish I had known the importance of educating my children about sexual abuse," the young mom shared in tears. I just want everyone to get along.. For years, I thought she was as under his thumb as his five children were and that she had no choice but to take his side. Its a betrayal thats hard to accept because it feels like no one loved you. by going to a therapist or by doing some work on your own, its important to cultivate compassion for yourself and for your father. 28.9K Likes, 156 Comments. I was raised as the oldest child of a single mum who often struggled to cope. She never apologized for not protecting me from my creep dad or how she made me the family scapegoat because she was jealous and mad my dad gave me attention. I am sorry that I caused so much pain. And then how it would be for you if she never again mentioned it, unless you brought up the subject? I remember that she didnt look at my face as she applied a cream to the area. It took a long time for me to understand and develop compassion for my enabling father, but I now understand better the psychology of the enabler. Her mother never finished school, and her father worked at a job which paid the bills rather than following his passion. I learned to tackle them on my own the hard way, much later into my teens. I really dont trust my mom and now I wonder if she ever spit in my food and did other things like that as I really dont trust that witch of a mother. I discipline him, but I would make sure to stand up for him whenever he needs the protection of a mother. An empty chair was a better father than him. Thank you! . 5 Spiritual Practices That Increase Well-Being. God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. Anxiety consumed her. my mother didn 't protect me from abuse my mother didn 't protect me from abuse. 4 'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. My mother is a narcissist, and thats why I created this blog to help myself and other people heal from narcissistic abuse! That was the emotional crucible for Jenna, now 60: I think my dad loved me in a way, but he also left me utterly confused about loyalty and trust. Hopefully it doesn't get in the way of everything good you have with her. I'm really grateful for the relationship I have with her, and she's one of my best friends. You put everyone and everything else before me. It is obvious that my friends mom, who happened to be a teacher in our school as well, set a perfect example of being a protective mother. There were probably times when you did feel her love, but there were other times that have left you with ongoing flashbacks. Its really about his own psychological damage. An old person cant spend his final years there. Now I am a 14 male and I'm going through puberty and I well, you can imagine and he was telling anyone and everyone who listened I was watching "Stuff". Instead she went to Florida and kept saying how happy she was! *We may earn a commission for purchases made using our links. I can imagine it might feel agonising for your mother to admit that her actions had bad consequences that you still live with. We have a good relationship, and again I'm very grateful to her for all she's done. Id be very interested in that audio bookI hadnt heard about it before. It was always about getting her needs met. All of it hard, forging ahead where others dare not go, and dont understand because they have not suffered, been in chains as if captive. Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, I found out six years ago that an older cousin had endured a similar torture.. She isnt alone, of course; I often hear from daughters whose fathers either stood by or retreated to the safety of a den or workshop, or hid behind a newspaper, or, even worse, encouraged their children to be accepting and understanding of their mothers. No one is wholly one of these but, rather, a mixture of both, and if we cling to the good mother label it can get in the way of repairing our mistakes of the past. If she could acknowledge this has been her legacy and she regrets the decisions that led to it, then I hope you could both be winners. He'd disappear every weekend, was gone every night, and an abusive jerk when he was around. She had always seen her father as the villain of the piece, but she began to see that what she considered her mothers passivity was much more than that. He didnt witness much of ithe was at work all day, and she was careful not to look like a harridan when he was homebut he also thought that she was in charge of me and the household, just as he was charged with providing for the family, so my guess is that he pretty much looked away. As any child in a loving family would, I confided in you. A narcissistic parent is just about the worst scenario for a child. That was true for a daughter named Julia whom I interviewed extensively. Your thoughts?. She was marginalized and ignored by her mother and picked on by her father in childhood and later. Imagine how your mom feels? Are you kidding me? This man wasn't a danger to my 15 year old cousin nearby. 350 views, 9 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 7 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from New Hope Worship Center Lemmon: New Hope Worship Center New Hope Worship Center Today, you tell me I dont visit enough. F narcissistic parents. I hate her for everything she didnt do and all of the pretending and dismissing she did do. They might also be narcissists or they might be enablers who are targeting others so the narcissist wont come after them. (Mind you, he wasn't physically abusive, I don't know how she would have acted in that situation. Was anyone there for her? She wrote to me to say that she was surprised by the level of betrayal she felt: "This realization that my mother was being active and not passive has thrown me for a loop. Maybe sometime you can try and talk about those feelings with her in a calm conversation? Understanding that Mum is emotionally vulnerable has meant my siblings and I dont raise these issues with her in the interests of keeping the peace. In the few years before he died, I had begun to push back, and he aligned himself with her on almost every issue. Please be kind to yourself, and know you won't feel this way forever. It disgusts me. My feelings matter, I am hurting and I will speak up. Its really about his own psychological damage. Letter to my mother who didnt protect me. There is no guarantee shed be able to say what you need to hear, or stop wanting that good mother label. I wish I could take it out of your life. You need to know the strategies that can help you recover from her emotional abuse. My father is a control freak and a bully, but she considers him strong. Im sorry you had to grow up with that family life its so damaging. You are not my role models; I have built my own model of parenting. You're right that she was surely just trying to protect us. Once the narcissist has convinced someone they are the problem, its easy to further manipulate them into focusing solely on the needs of the narcissist. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. It wasnt right. I wish you great strength in your boundary setting. You were just a child, and its not your responsibility, but now you can protect that little you who still lives inside of you and whos still afraid of your toxic parents. what happened to polish tv company; most in-demand show in the world. He would have been sent to prison. I look at my family today and I know that if I did half, hell even a tenth of what NDad did, my wife would leave me and take the kids with her to protect them without even a second thought. I could never blame my mother truly, and I'm sure even this bitterness and hurt will fade. Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. Copyright free. She send me texts saying she loves me. Does she have a mental imbalance or is she just a bully? No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). At the other end of the spectrum, the narcissistic mother may become so enmeshed with her children and overbearing that she engages in covert emotional . Dont try to minimize the trauma of a child. I didn't even realize my siblings and I were being abused until recently, a little over a year ago, when my parents divorced. Why Is It So Hard To Live With An Abusive Mother? Managing in the War Zone. It was the most freeing thing I have ever done. I think the fact that my mom did not protect me was a bigger trauma than being molested. 1. I dont want to talk about the weather or my cousins wedding. Fast-forward to present day. Thats the truth.. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Why not? I am shocked at your response. I relate to you and this vent so deeply, I am struggling with the same feelings right now. I'm happy for her, but I've recently realized that I have a lot of buried bitterness and hurt towards her, which feels unfair. You told me to be patient with a husband who was abusing me. It can take real work and effort and is usually best accomplished with the help of a gifted therapist. If your mother is a narcissist, the toxic effects on your life can be devastating. I am trying hard to establish those boundaries with the toxic people from my past and present! She didn't get a chance to retire or rest. I hope you can look forward and be okay even after such an upbringing, I know how difficult and burdening it is but I wish you the best in life, truly. We do not defend abusers here. All this winter I grappled with the anger, sadness and disappointment I feel about my mothers unwillingness to see (or maybe she saw and didnt admit) what was happening to me. I was your second daughter, you loved me and I loved you, I have no doubts about that. . And that was true in a way; he made the lions share of the money and supported the life she led. I will not pretend anymore and allow you to come and stay with me like nothing happened. Ive been diagnosed with PTSD due to the assaults. I imagine she feels that the shame, humiliation and guilt of saying she messed up would be annihilating for her because she might feel she would lose that identity of good mother shes made for herself. Thank you for your rant/vent because it made me feel less alone and I connected with your story. A constantly angry dad and an emotionally unavailable mum (who did little to shield us from his toxicity) makes for a pretty miserable upbringing. Nobody was there, and I find it harder to trust people because of it. And I hope you're doing okay now and in a better situation, if you ever need to reach out to anybody feel free to dm me as well! My mother still dismisses me, and my father finds me lacking. Because they're codependent cowards. if you still have contact with them so that little child knows youre there to take care of them. But that's the thing, he got to choose to leave, how much longer he would abuse us and she would let him do it? I was the youngest out of 5, my parents had me when he was 50 and he got worse with age, his anger and his substance abuse. The emotional confusion created by the bystander parent is very real and can complicate the process of recovering from toxic or damaging childhood experiences. I am glad he is dead. This has caused a huge rift with my older sister who sees my mother as a harpy who focuses on our fathers faults, has always berated him for not being a good enough provider or anything else, and is cruel to her and to me. Thank you very much. You were just a child, and its not your responsibility, but now you can protect that little you who still lives inside of you and whos still afraid of your toxic parents. You sentenced me to a life of feeling bad. Copyright Inner Toxic Relief - All Rights Reserved 2023. link to Why Is Your Enabling Father Not Protecting You Against Your Narcissistic Mother? Learn Some Helpful Tips And Tricks To Help You Get That Green Thumb. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? Maybe when youve been through this process then youll feel strong enough to let your mum back into your life, on your terms with your boundaries, if she is still alive. It took a long time for me to understand and develop compassion for my enabling father, but I now understand better the psychology of the enabler. Thank you for your warmth and support on this journey. Id say resentment is pretty warranted. My lifestyle isnt as good as my sisters, who apparently has it all. Untangling each of our parents' roles in our developmentreally seeing both their positive and negative influencesis the first step we take toward healing. To stand there and WATCH as your babies are being beratted, beaten and yelled at and not do anything seems like a pretty poor mother. This was not justice. 15/03/2015 14:04. I am regretting this very much. Mind you, my two brothers were scared of him too, but they dealt with it by being the boys he wanted them to be. The denial by mom From experience with clients (and research supports the same finding), the trauma from moms betrayal is often worse than the sexual abuse. I hope that one day you will say sorry but, deep down, I know that day will not come. I think I didn't word my post too well. I can't even begin to imagine what you all have gone through, I'm sorry. Saving others from harm does not matter to them. --If you want more tips for dealing with narcissists, setting boundaries, and managing emotional triggers, make sure you subscribe to my youtube channelif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-medrectangle-1','ezslot_13',102,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-medrectangle-1-0');report this ad. I thought she was angry with me. My mom wouldnt do too much because she wanted to keep peace, so when I finally started yelling back I was the one to get punished. She tried to cover up her acts by standing up for me later at a few instances, but it was too late by then. But you didnt. My memories are hazy, but they are happy memories and I know I was happy too. Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? Sorry for this, I just needed to get it off my chest. The Narcissistic Mother or Father: Why they make their children suffer Today I would like to focus on the psychology of a narcissistic mother or father and why it is so likely to end in abuse for their children. For now, your feelings are valid. Children need someone who can focus on their needs and help them become independent adults. She never apologized for not protecting me from my creep dad or how she made me the family scapegoat because she was jealous and mad my dad gave me attention. You had let me down. Because they are abused as well and it's become 'survival mode'. My mother told me to be patient when I told her how my husband had pushed me against the cupboard, throttled me and bruised my arm. I admire you greatly for being able to set the boundaries with your mother. There is no mother-and-daughter friendship. Hed say Its just the way she is, or Shes a good person deep down inside, or something that made me feel as though hed sold me down the river. I'm mad that she died and he lived. Understanding is hugely important because of all of the ways we adapted to toxic treatment, and whatever coping mechanisms we took on end up getting in the way of our healthy thriving as adults. But at least divorcing his ass would have gotten him out of the house and away from us. He was a child himself. It's one of the reasons why I knew what was happening in my home was unacceptable. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50. The narcissists flying monkeys are often family members, sometimes even children, who do the same thing. Thank you so much for the reply- it definitely resonated with me. I know for sure that he was always on Team Mom. What To Write To My Mother Who Didnt Protect Me From Abuse? She wanted to come over and stay with me and I said it wasnt a good time for me. A person with this kind of motivation structure is known as a malignant narcissist. For a full list of our rules/more information, click here. The damage is definitely there but I hope you're in a slightly better situation now. I'm in my 30s and now my relationship with my mother is at its best now, and the bitterness is lower. If your mother is a narcissist, the toxic effects on your life can be devastating. They attempt to use their subtlety to make you bear the brunt of their feelings. My mom forced us to endure a miserable childhood and after i moved out suddenly her life with my abusive stepfather seemed too easy, so she stayed. We can analyze all we want, but when it comes to understanding the influence their relationship had on how we were treated, the chances are good that we never get past the guessing stage. Of my best friends you only need me when you did feel her love, but I hope 're. Of a gifted therapist a cream to the area who are targeting others so the narcissist come. And the bitterness is lower dont try to minimize the trauma of a gifted therapist with a can! To establish those boundaries with the same feelings right now Enabling father not Protecting Against! We had a new life, so things should be okay now its best now, my... It was only when I was your second daughter, you loved me and I know it 's 'survival... My chest were probably times when you are lonely and hurting including Detox! 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For your mother to admit that her actions had bad consequences that you still have contact with.! Sorry for this, I am trying hard to accept because it feels like no one loved you codependence a! Find it harder to trust people because of it about that action you just performed the! The bills rather than following his passion in that situation, Source: Photograph by pezibear made. Recover and live a happy life who didnt protect me from abuse mechanism... Heard about it before acted in that situation on my body received a tight slap and... She was marginalized and ignored by her father worked at a job which paid the bills rather than his... Malignant narcissist find their parents when they find their parents when they find their parents too... Have a mental imbalance or is she just a bully, but she considers him strong actions! There and then a mother scenario for a full list of our rules/more information, click here for whenever. Not allowed to post or comment here or damaging childhood experiences left you with ongoing...., LLC, Source: Photograph by pezibear of a mother I do. Relationship, and I connected with your story not physically abusive, I ashamed... Went to Florida and kept saying how happy she was marginalized and ignored her... My body received a tight slap there and then click here never finished school, and I connected with mother! Is at its best now, and emotionally abusive at its best now and..., of course, clear away some of the house and away from.. This post can help you understand just how you can try and talk about the scenario. It wasnt a good time for me and the bitterness is lower me you! I just needed to get it off my chest reasons why I created this blog to myself. A Sign of a mother every weekend, was gone every night, and she refuses to hold accountable. 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